Title:
I Only Have Eyes For You
Author:
Patt
Author
Email: PattRose1@aol.com
Rating:
NC-17
Pairings:
J/B
Song:
I'LL BE SEEING YOU
(Irving
Kahal / Sammy Fain)
Status:
Complete
Date:
0408/03
Category:
Drama
Author's
website:
http://patt_rose0.tripod.com/dreamingofsentinels/
Disclaimer:
The boys don't belong to us. I wish they did,
but
they
don't.
But if they ever do, I'll share. In the meantime,
I'll
put
them
back when I'm done. (I'm a big fat
liar; I would
never
share.)
Author's
Notes: Thank you to Storm Wolf Dawn for doing this
again. I always have so much fun. As always this is for
Lisa,
Lyn and Mary.
Summary:
Jim thinks that Blair is fooling around on him.
Broken
hearts all around. There is no partner betrayal in
here.
Warnings:
m/m Some angst, but not too bad.
===================================
===================
I Only
Have Eyes For You
Patt
"Ellison."
Jim hated answering the phone any more.
"So
did you go where I told you to? Did you
see that Sandburg is screwing
around
on you?" The voice was quiet and sounded like no one Jim knew.
"Why
are you calling me?" Jim asked.
"Because
my ex-wife fucked me over and when I see it happening to others, I
want to
help them. It doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man. It still hurts like
hell,
doesn't it? She left me to raise our child alone. I'm afraid I didn't do a good
job,
but I tried. He's a good boy and I do
love him. These loves screw around
on us
and don't think about who will be hurt. She didn't even think about our
son.
Hasn't seen him in 15 years."
"He's
not fucking me over, I know that much," Jim stated coldly.
"Then
go and check him out." The voice was getting more pushy with each
call.
"Fine,
I'll go tonight. Where is this going to
happen?"
The man
gave Jim an address and then hung up.
Jim paced the loft not knowing
what to
do. Talking to himself seemed like a
good thing to start with.
"He's
going to be so pissed off when he finds out you didn't trust him. Ellison,
think
about this. You can't lose him."
He went
upstairs and lay on their bed and a thought came to his mind. // What
if
there is someone else? //
He
jumped off the bed and headed out of the loft to find this place. Blair had
told
him that he was helping a sick friend and wouldn't be late. Jim hoped that's
what it
was.
He sat
in the parking lot, feeling every bit of a fool when he saw Blair's car come
driving
in. Jim slid way down low and watched his
lover get out of the car with a
man
that Jim didn't know.
The two
men walked upstairs side by side and then once they were in the
apartment,
they pulled all drapes and shades.
Jim
rolled the window down and watched until he could see a shadow in the
shades. Then he started to listen. The two men were panting and making a lot
of
noise. Jim was in shock as he continued
to listen. The other man said,
"Shit,
Blair,
I'm sorry. Does it hurt? God, I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Just
be careful this time. Jim will notice
if I come home damaged," Blair said as
they
went back to the panting as the groans took over again.
Jim
couldn't take it any longer, so he pulled out of the parking lot and drove
home. Once there he got in the shower and tried to
calm down. // Fuck...
Fuck...
Fuck... // Jim wished with everything in his body, that he'd never gone
there
tonight. He also wished that he could
have a do-over.
He slid
into bed and tried not to think about anything.
What do
people actually do about this? Do they confront their lover or leave
them or
hit them? What the fuck was he to do?
Blair
made sure and showered before he went home because he lived with the
most
insecure man in the world. Sometimes it
bothered Blair that Jim didn't
trust
him. But then again, his senses pushed
buttons that normal folks didn't
have. Then there were those days, where it pissed
him off that Jim didn't trust
him.
Those were the days that he wanted to smack his man around. Blair smiled
to
himself just thinking about him, smacking him around.
Blair
walked into the loft and once he was done in the bathroom, he climbed into
bed and
snuggled with Jim.
"Where
have you been all night, Chief?"
"I
told you."
"You
lied."
"I
did not." Blair moved away and got pissed.
A very
hurt Jim sat looking at Blair. When had this all happened? What had
gone
wrong?
"Do
you love me?" Jim asked so sadly that it broke Blair's heart.
"Yes,
but you have to trust me."
"Well,
I can't. I smell another man on you."
"Jim,
you do not smell another man on me.
Want to tell me what this is really
about?"
"You
showered at his house. That's why I
don't smell him on you. But I smell
his
soap on you. Do I actually seem that
stupid?" Jim was past hurt.
"Jim,
you always do this. You always jump to
conclusions."
"No,
I don't. Blair, we have to talk about
this. It's a major problem," Jim
said.
"Jim,
you're being so melodramatic. Stop
it. Let's get some sleep and talk about
all
this in the morning," Blair suggested.
"NO,
we talk now."
"Jim,
threats don't work well with me."
"I
saw you with him tonight. I saw you go
up to his apartment."
"Are
you following me now, Jim? You've become a stalker?"
"No,
someone called me. Someone has been calling me for weeks."
"So
you believed some person on the phone before you even asked me?"
"Well,
what were you doing and who is that person?" Jim was getting scared
now.
"He's
an old friend from Rainier. Believe me,
it's nothing more."
"I
don't believe you," Jim growled.
"Fine.
I'm moving out. You're an asshole." Blair had tears in his eyes as he
packed
his bag.
Jim
climbed out of bed and watched Blair throw clothes into his duffel. "So
where
are you
going? Already have that planned
too?"
"Asshole,
get out of here while I pack." Blair sniffed the entire time he was
packing
and Jim found it odd that Blair seemed that hurt over someone he didn't
love
anymore.
"I'm
almost done and I'll be out of your way," Blair said.
Jim
walked downstairs and sat on the sofa.
He waited for Blair and when he
came
down, he said, "Will you talk to
me once before you leave?"
"Sure."
Blair sat down across the room from Jim.
"Are
we still going to be able to work together, Chief?"
"Of
course. I never want any other
partner." Blair held his head high when he
said
that. This made Jim very proud for a
moment anyhow.
"Do
you need money for a hotel?" Jim offered.
"No,
I think I'll stay with Conner," Blair said.
"Why
not Rafe or Brown?" Jim wondered aloud.
"Because
both of them have girlfriends and I don't want to intrude. I know that
Conner
isn't with anyone right now, so I'll try there."
"Would
it make any difference if I asked you not to stay there?" Jim looked so
sad,
Blair almost gave in.
"Sorry,
Jim. My 'feel sorry for Jim' cards are
all used up. Now I might actually
feel
sorry for me for a change. It was great living here, but it's time to move
on."
Blair
stood up to leave.
"Chief,
you mean the world to me. As a friend and partner as well. I'm glad
you'll
work with me."
"See
you at the station. I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar
places."
~o0o~
Leaving
Jim was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever
done. A
heartbroken Blair walked out of the loft and down
to his
car. Things would never be the same
again.
Once in
his car, he called Conner.
"Conner."
"Hey,
got room on your sofa for me?" Blair felt as sad as he sounded.
"Sure,
you know where the key is. Just let
yourself in. The spare room is all
made
up. Move in with me until the idiot undoes whatever he did."
"Thanks,
Conner. I'll be there soon." Blair
almost cried at the affection she
showed
him. She didn't even ask what he had
done.
When he
arrived, he unpacked his suitcase and in came Conner. She sat on the
bed and
waited.
"He
thinks I'm fucking someone on the side," Blair said quietly.
"You're
joking, right?"
"No,
someone has been calling him and telling him I'm with someone."
"What
did he say when you told him you weren't fucking anyone?" she asked.
"He
said he went to the place this man said to go, and he watched me with
another
man. I did go up to his apartment, but I wasn't sleeping with him." Blair
seemed
frantic now.
"All
right, who is it?"
"The
Police Commissioner's son. So as you
know, I can't talk about it much."
Blair
hoped that would end the conversation.
"What
are you doing with the Commissioner's son?"
"You
know how well I did in the Police Academy?
Well, one of the instructors
called
me. Seems the Commissioner's son is
going through the same course and
he
can't graduate if he doesn't pass his self-defense class. He's flunking big
time.
So
Masters called me and asked me if I could work out with Nathan every night,
for six
weeks so that he won't be so embarrassed in front of his father. I said I
would
and Nathan asked me if I could keep it between the two of us. He made
me
swear. This is how young he is, he
said, "Will you Pinky
promise?" Blair
explained,
smiling a little.
"Well,
you need to tell Jim. He thinks you're
messing around. That must have
hurt
him to see you with another guy. And who is this person calling him and
ratting
you out?" Conner was trying to be understanding to both men.
"No,
I'm telling him nothing. He's an
asshole. I would have talked to him if he
would
had come to me and just asked. But he
was following me around. And I
have no
clue who is calling him. I could care less.
Jim is an idiot."
"Sandy,
he thinks you're fucking someone else.
Of course he's being an idiot.
You
have to talk to him. Are you going to call him now?" Conner asked.
"No.
He doesn't deserve to know the truth, the big jerk," Blair said
sadly.
"Well,
I'll see you in the morning. You'll be all right to work with him, right?"
"Yeah,
everything will be fine. Goodnight,
Conner." // There is nothing good
about
this night. //
In the
next few weeks, Blair and Conner tried to figure out who would be calling
Jim. They were having no luck at all.
The
phone rang on Jim's desk and he answered, "Ellison."
"I
see you smarted up and found out he was fooling around," the stranger said.
"I
didn't smart up, I miss him like crazy.
Who are you and why did you need to
hurt us
like this?" Everyone in the bullpen was listening and they were watching
Jim
like a hawk.
"What
is wrong with you? He's a whore. Why
would you want to stay with a
whore."
The man, tried to explain so that Jim wouldn't be as hurt, as he was.
Jim
stood up and screamed into the phone, "He's not a fucking whore," and
slammed
the phone down.
Jim
walked over to Simon's door and knocked.
Sticking his head in, he asked,
"Can
I talk to you for a moment?"
"Sure."
Simon sat back and waited for Jim to talk.
"Simon,
I think I know who the caller is that I told you about. And this isn't going
to be
good."
"Why? Who is it?" Simon started chewing on
the end of his cigar.
"I
think it's the commissioner. I'm fairly certain it was his voice. If I give you an
address,
can you tell me if he's related?" Jim was so nervous talking about
this.
"Sure,
give it to me now."
Jim
handed over a paper with all of the information and walked out of Simon's'
office.
Simon
called in some favors and found out that the Commissioner's son lived at
that
address. What did all of this mean?
When
Sandburg got to his desk Simon buzzed his phone and asked him to come
in.
"You
rang?" Blair asked smiling.
"Shut
the door and sit down, please."
Blair
did as asked and didn't get all the way down on the chair when Simon said,
"Are
you fucking the Commissioner's son?"
"What? No way! He's just a kid, Simon." Blair
looked very hurt, Simon noticed.
"So
what are you doing with him?"
"Simon,
he asked me to help him with his studies.
That's all." Blair was pissed
now.
"What
studies? Because I'm going to call and ask the teachers what classes he's
doing
badly in." Simon was also pissed.
"An instructor at the academy asked me
to help him pass the self-defense class.
Happy
now?"
"Why
didn't you just tell Jim that?" Simon asked.
"It
was none of his business, as it's none of yours. I can't believe how little you
all
have to do. Go do some cop work," Blair shouted.
"I
was looking out for Jim, Sandburg."
"I
can't believe you all think I would fuck around on Jim. This just breaks my
heart. You want to know what I was doing? Just
doing a big favor for my
favorite
instructor for self-defense. It was the Commissioner's son, Nathan. So
that's
what I've been doing. He made me swear
that I wouldn't tell anyone."
"Why
didn't you just tell Jim this?" Simon wondered aloud.
"Nathan is a very proud young man, and
he doesn't want his father to know he
needs
help. When he was in high school he
needed tutors and summer school
every
single year to catch up. He's a hard
worker and the Instructor could see
that
right away. His father isn't mean, he's
just confused. He doesn't
understand
why his son isn't as smart as the Mayor's son.
Not that I totally
agree
with that. The Mayor's son is a fucking
moron. Anyhow, Simon, he asked
me to
keep it private. So I did."
"And
you don't think you should tell Jim now?" Simon asked.
"No,
because he accused me of lying to him and cheating on him. He doesn't
trust
me. Why do you think he would believe that anyhow?"
"Sandburg,
I really wish I had done things differently with Joan. We messed up
big
time. Joan just gave up on me. So I
think that I feel for Jim, beings he's the
one
left behind. Don't you want to try and
salvage your relationship with him?"
"It
doesn't matter, Simon. He thought I was
screwing around on him and lying."
"Sandburg,
you basically were. I think you need to talk about this to him now."
Simon
got up and was going to call Jim in
when Blair said, "No, I don't want to
get
back with him. I can work with him just
fine. But I don't ever want to live in
the
loft again." Blair walked sadly out the door, he realized that Jim thought
he
was a
whore.
By this
time, Jim knew who the kid was and why Blair had been with him.
Jim
called the Commissioner and talked to him.
"Detective
Ellison, I'm glad the game is up."
"Sir,
I don't know what game you think is up, but your son is being tutored.
That's
all. Nothing more," Jim explained.
"Are
you certain he's not having an affair with Detective Sandburg?"
"Yes,
sir, I am. He's doing real well at the
academy. I talked to his instructors
and I
found out about the tutoring. So why
did you do all of this?" Jim really
needed
an answer.
"I
thought he was turning into a gay person and I can't have that. It's fine for
you,
Ellison. But he's not as strong as you.
He couldn't defend himself against
someone
out to get him. So I had to try and break them up."
"Wouldn't
it have been easier to just call and talk to us? You ripped our lives
apart
because you were afraid your son would be gay? I don't buy it." Jim was
pissed.
"A
friend of mine saw them together and he started talking about how my son
was
sleeping with him. I couldn't have
it. It doesn't fit in our life."
"You
hate gays?" Jim asked.
"Not
if they don't bother me or mine. But I
don't want them near my son."
"Its
great to know that you feel this way.
I'll feel better protecting your fucking
city
now," Jim shouted.
"I
was trying to be truthful. I shouldn't
have to like gay people if I don't want to.
Am I
right, Detective?"
"Yes,
you have every right. As well as we
have every right to hate you and your
politics,"
Jim said evilly.
"Was
that a threat?"
"No,
of course not. Anyone in their right
mind, knows a gay man is too much of
a pansy
to actually pull off a threat. I've had enough of this phone call. At least I
know
what happened. I'm sorry I voted for you. Goodbye." Jim slammed the
phone
down.
Jim and
Blair worked side by side just fine for the next three months. Blair
moved
into Conner's spare room and was finally settling in.
Every
night Blair meditated until he could sleep.
He was always so tense.
Something
about the vibes in Conner's apartment didn't go well with Blair's body.
He
missed Jim so much. He missed his
lips. He missed his neck. He missed his
entire
body. God, he missed fucking him. But the one thing he missed the most
was the
way Jim held him at night. Whether they
fucked or not, Jim held him so
close
and made him feel so safe. He hadn't
felt safe since he left the loft. Thank
goodness
he was able to continue working with Jim.
He couldn't make it without
seeing
him on a daily basis.
Blair
wondered if Jim missed him as much. God, he would love for him to come
and ask
him to come back. He would go in a
heartbeat. He wished he could get
up the
courage to go back and ask Jim. But he
knew he wouldn't. Life was
funny
that way.
He was
so horny. But only for Jim. The thought of a date totally distressed
him.
So
Conner stopped trying to set him up. He was meant for only Jim. Blair
wondered
how many people Jim had been with. A
tear slid down his face as he
started
to fall asleep.
~o0o~
Conner
saw Jim in the break room and she stood in the hallway and said, "Kelly,
are you
still on for tonight? My house, dinner,
dancing and Sandburg?"
"Oh,
I can't wait. Thank you for asking. See
you at 7:00," Kelly said as she
moved
towards the elevator.
Conner
walked in and said, "Hey, Jimbo.
How goes it?"
"Fine. I'm fucking dandy." Jim threw his cup
across the room and watched it
smash
into a million pieces. Jim realized
right then, she was a bitch. And he
couldn't
trust her as far as he could throw her. When it was said and done, he
might
take her out. Okay, that's a little much, but what's a good slug in the
face
between friends?
"Jimbo,
you ever thought about anger management classes?" Conner smiled as
she
teased him, but he wasn't happy.
"Fuck
you, Conner."
"Well,
then come on over tonight. We'll all
get lucky." She knew that was mean,
but she
couldn't resist.
Jim
pushed past her and went to the restroom.
He started taking deep breaths
and
felt completely out of control.
Blair
was standing behind him and knew Jim
didn't even know. "Jim, what's
wrong?"
Jim
jumped and said, "Nothing. Just tense today, is all."
"Jim,
did you ever think about calling me and asking me what happened?"
"No.
I don't need to know. It's your life and if you wanted someone young, I can
live
with that."
"Oh,
give me a fucking break. I was tutoring
him, Jim. That's all."
"I
heard him say he was sorry for hurting you and you said, "Just be careful
this
time. Jim will notice if I come home
damaged."
"Jim,
you moron. It was self-defense. I can't believe you overheard that and
thought
I was fucking someone. God, I hate you.
And I've been so sad, do you
care? No." Blair rushed out of the restroom
with Jim hot on his trail.
"Wait
a minute. Why didn't you tell me that,
Chief? I never put the self-defense
and
don't damage me together. We could have worked this out, ages ago. It was
his
father that was calling me."
"Because
he asked me to keep it a secret. He was
embarrassed. So I respected
his
privacy, as you should have mine." Blair sat at his desk and began to
throw
things
all over the place. "The
Commissioner?"
"Yeah,
the Commissioner," Jim repeated.
He hit
Jim in the chest with a ruler, followed by a pencil to his forehead. "Chief,
knock
it off. We can discuss this without
throwing things."
"This
is coming from Mr. Discussion himself?
Fuck you, Ellison." And Jim found
his
cheek being smacked by a stapler.
"Chief, that fucking
hurt."
The
entire time Blair was thinking about how much he loved Jim and how
everyone
that loved Jim had left him. He was
going to have to work on this.
But for
right now, he had to finish his little war.
"Maybe
we need a wuss puss room. Go cry
somewhere else. I've got things to
do."
Blair started throwing more things at him.
Everyone
in the bullpen was laughing as they watched
Jim dodge desk items
being
thrown by one really pissed off Detective Sandburg.
"Sandburg!
Ellison! My office, now." Simon wasn't happy.
They
both stood with heads hanging in front of his desk.
"Does
anyone want to explain why my two lead Detectives are acting like
children?"
Simon asked.
"Sure,
I'll start. He's an idiot. And he said
more idiotic things and I couldn't take
it
anymore." Blair stomped his foot, on top of Jim's foot, almost making
Simon
laugh.
"Jim,
do you have something to add?"
"No,
sir. I was an idiot. I believed someone I didn't know instead of
talking to
Blair. I deserve everything I get. Can I get back to work now?" Jim was
sadder
than
he'd been in ages.
"You're
just going to give up on me again? You
don't really love me. I hate you
sometimes."
Blair went for the door and Jim stopped him.
"Blair, I love you so
much
that my heart aches every single night. But I didn't think you wanted me
anymore
after what I did."
"Simon,
could we have a little privacy here?" Blair asked.
"No,
but you can both have the day off. Meet
at the loft and work it out." Simon
shoved
both men out the door.
When
they got on the elevator and the doors closed, everyone said, "All
right,"
making
Jim smile and pull Blair closer.
"Jim,
does this mean that we won't have to be sad when we say, "I'll be seeing
you?"
"That's
right. We're going to do it right this time. I love you." Jim kissed him
before
the door opened.
Upstairs,
Conner opened Simon's door and said, "Guess who won the pool?"
"Who?"
Simon asked.
"You. You chose this day as their getting back
together day. Did you push them
too
much?" Conner teased.
"I
would give it up, just because they're back together."
"So
you don't want the pool?" Conner asked.
"Do
I look insane? Hand it over." Simon knew that it wasn't going to always be
smooth
for Jim and Blair, but at least they had their friends to help them with
problems
and bet money on them.
End: I
Only Have Eyes For You
Sent to
me by Corinna.
I'LL BE
SEEING YOU
(Irving
Kahal / Sammy Fain)
I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar
places
That this heart of mine embraces all day
through
In that small café, the park across the way
The children's carousel, the chestnut trees,
the wishing
well
I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's
day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the mornin' sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you
I'll find you in the mornin' sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you